Tears

Mine and theirs. Lots of tears. I thought the second night was easier. It has been harder on me. And harder on Emmy. Easier on Elsie and easier on Eric. No one said parenting was easy and this is living proof, this hell of babies and mommy crying away from each other.

I know another place where I went wrong. Instead of dropping our night feed schedule, I should have slowly weaned them off. But what did I know? I trusted our ped, still do, it made since and it seemed to work for awhile.

But again the truth about being a parent is no one is perfect, we all mess up, what works for sometime won't always work. Yes, in my quest to do everything right, I feel like I am doing everything wrong. You read the books, and their advice may work for awhile and it may not. There is no right or wrong way or right or wrong answer. Love your babies as much as you can. Today we did a lot of reading and cuddling on mommy's lap.

Elsie has done really well tonight, if you can say that. Pray for Emmy to get it like Elsie and pray for sleep for us all. Pray I stay strong. I am really struggling tonight.


It has been quiet for 2 minutes, 5 more and I will go in.

Pure Hell

I am in parent hell right now. Pure parent hell. I am sitting writing instead of holding my babies. I want to go in and grap them and snuggle with them so desperately. Why the hell is sleep training so damn hard on all of us? Why is this suppose to be good for all of us?

I am the one to blame. I know that. I will admit it and take full responsibility for it which is another reason why it is pure hell to listen to my girls cry.

I created sleep monsters by creating night wakers. I know that. It is not something that I intended, it is not something that I knew about. But lately as sleep that once was great (they use to sleep till 1 or 2 in the morning and I could put them down awake!) to what we have been experiencing (babies wanting to play at night and constant waking). I am averaging 3 hours of sleep most nights lately. I was getting more sleep when the babes slept with me but then they decided mommy was a fun juggle gym at 3 am.

It is now quiet. I will go in in 6 more minutes to check. I hate this. Why oh why is this so hard? What the hell is wrong with me? I said I would not do it and now I am doing it. I hate this.

Add your CIO stories here, mommies. Know that I am where you have been. Tell me how it went for you so I am not in such hell. Stay tune for details...Emmy cried for 1 hour, Elsie for 1 hour 1/2...

Please, oh, please tell me the truth from where you have been.

Mommy's Arms

Are a bit tired tonight. I am learning the hard way the toll that being a "single parent" can be. Eric was suppose to be out of town but got sick. Either way, I would have been on my own tonight with the girls. No problem since I do it most of the time on my own. Tonight a girl friend of mine came by, "Aunt Annie" to the girls. She sat in the other rocker and rocked as I nursed and rocked babies. I had a feeling that I should just put the girls down once they were asleep. BUT since Annalisa was there, I knew as she put it "her ovaries were working over time" as they always are when she is with my girls. So I had her take Emyy while I put Elsie down. And of course what happened was Emmy woke up b/c she wasn't in mommy's arms anymore. Actually, first she rubbed her face against Annalisa's jacket, realized it was NOT mommy and WOKE UP! And at the same moment in time, Elsie woke up!!!! They slept through the two of us running our mouths off but then woke up when got quiet!!!! But as soon as the hand off happened, the mommy in me thought oh maybe this isn't a good idea. The last time it happened with Eric this week, Emmy and Elsie both woke up and took me another to get them down. UGH! I was able to get Elsie back to sleep tonight and now Miss Emmy is hanging out with mommy, tried the swing, EVERYTHING! Well, everything considering I by myself tonight. Daddy cannot do the stroller. So we are just hanging out!

I am not a fan of CIO. I am a fan of nursing and rocking my wee ones. Though it is getting harder and harder as they get bigger and bigger to get them into the crib without waking. I am not sure what I am going to do since I don't want to give up the rocking or the nursing at night. Some nights it is easier than others but I believe in the long run, I will be thankful that I had those quiet moments each night with my girls. I am already half way to the point where I said I would stop nursing them. So they are dependent on me to fall asleep. Not the way we orignally planned it. Read the books and knew what to. Put the babe down drowsy/awake and let them fall asleep on their own. We did that and then somewhere along month 3 or 4 I got into the habit of nursing them to sleep and loved having two sleeping babes in my arms. I don't think I will regret the time I have spent in the rocker (the my butt complains sometimes!). I am sure there are a million things I could get accomplished during that time spent rocking the wee ones.

But knowing that my girls are content my arms is what I will remember.

To Wake or Not

I say not to waking up a sleeping baby. I know that it is common for people to say don't wake them up if they are asleep. And I agree for the most part. HOWEVER, one of the leading sleep experts say, wake if they have slept longer than x amount of time b/c it will cause problems sleeping later in the day. And that author in their twin book, says if one wakes, wake the other. And that the morning nap should be short!!!!My girls have been asleep since 730 but they were up at 530 this morning. My philosophy has been let them sleep and then within a reasonable time frame wake the other if need be. That is ONLY time I would say wake a baby.

It is interesting on how sensitive a subject sleep is. I think this may be one subject that gets a lot of attention!

My girls are up now after sleeping on and off for almost 3 hours! They are growing little munchkins and sleep is where they get the job done! Now off for a walk with the lovelies!

Hard Headed

Today I had one of my mommyhood oops. I felt horrible. I never would want to hurt anyone of my girls, and of course I didn't but nevertheless, I felt awful. So what did I do that was so bad? I nurse and rock my girls to sleep. Sometimes I will read. Today I had my book in the rocker with me. Didn't get to it and almost forgot it was there. I placed Elsie in the crib and as I did, the book fell and knocked Emmy on the head. She slept through the whole thing! But it my mind, I gave my daughter a concussion!

The Truth

I always wanted to be a mommy. I never really wanted to work. I will admit it. I was overjoyed when we found out we were pregnant. My husband said I flew down the drive, that my feet didn't even touch the stairs when I came out to tell him the test came out positive. Then we found out we were exepecting TWINS! And the reading began. Oh yes! I think every book on parenthood, pregnancy, breastfeeding, etc came our way. BUT WHAT WAS THE TRUTH?

I have learned many things since becoming a mommy. But it always seemed like there was a magic mommy wand that my friends had and I didn't. Did I miss something in one of my parenting books? NO! Every baby and every parent is different.

It is my attempt in this new blog to gether stories from mommies near and far in attempts to SOME day write a book. If you post a comment or story, then you are giving me permission to someday use what you have written. It is also my attempt to let other mommies know they are not alone when they are wondering why their child wants to always put their foot in the poopy diaper and then kick their foot (this has not happened to me but I am sure to someone!).

I don't know how I will have this organized completely. The idea is still evolving. But know that every mommy out there has some story that they could share to make you feel better about something that has happened with you.